judging and grudging

Recently, I saw an article of clothing that belonged to someone else that had a judgmental statement on it. Reading the statement implied that the person wearing the article of clothing had the right to say to the others reading it that they were somehow better than others because they believe themselves to be of a higher religious standard. I thought to myself, "why would someone wear this?" It made me wonder if they feel elevated and that others are not as good as they are? Ironically, I know the person who wears this article of clothing to have made some errors of judgment and mistakes in their life. So, in reading, it created a feeling of "Who do you think you are to be so above others?"

The way people judge others is often unfair, in my opinion. I mean after all, who is perfect among us? Who is without faults? Who is without mistakes made in their lives? Who has it all together 100 percent of the time? Who are the most elite among us to decide which shortcomings are completely unacceptable verses the ones that are acceptable?  

There is so much irony in judgmentalism, when you consider it.  I read a passage of scripture that actually states this: 

"Therefore you have no excuse, O man (woman), whoever you are who judge, for in whatever you judge another you condemn yourself; for you who judge practice the same things".  (Romans 2:1)

When I read this, it is saying to me that whoever is doing the judging is actually guilty of doing the same things they are in fact judging.  Isn't that ironic?

I read an article recently by Cathy Hutchison, and she stated this:

"Judgment considers the situation. Being judgmental is a determination about character."

She expounded further the point that in our judicial system, to judge people for charges against them, situations are considered. Everyone is evaluated based on the circumstances. There are degrees of guilt or punishment in our judicial system. A person's crime may be viewed with empathy if they were acting in self defense, or if they made a dumb choice because of intense peer pressure. It is more severe when it is a calculated, mischievous, selfish, and a meditated/intentional act. Thus, the need for lawyers, juries, understanding of the law, examining facts, and so forth.

In continuing to read her article on the subject of judgmental people, I agreed with the following statements she shared:

"We miss just how flawed our judgments really are, but that isn’t even the point. The problem is that judgment is the wrong framework when it comes to human relationships.

Judgment may satisfy our ego’s need to be right, but love is the thing that satisfies at a heart level.

Love affirms the other person’s belonging.

Judgment affirms our own.

Love makes it safe for others to be who they really are and share authentic experience.

Judgment puts people on guard.

Love keeps no record of wrongs. (I Corinthians 13)

Judgment seeks them out."

I must admit, I have had a judgmental mindset on various occasions though my life. I think we all battle it in our minds and hearts from time to time. When I'm driving in traffic, I am tempted to judge people quickly when they cut me off just before the traffic light turns red, or when I see people dressing in their pajamas and house shoes as they walk into the retail store I shop for groceries. I think we all have our areas of our lives we think we are doing better than others. Perhaps after a long work out we judge someone who says they hate exercising. Maybe we judge people who don't go to church, or that do not go as often as we do.  Bias and prejudices are always a lurking temptation to each of us from time to time. The higher road, the better decision may be to extend grace, and have a more loving understanding towards people whose lives I may not truly understand. Perhaps my paradigm shift could be to give more benefits of doubts, to realize we all face difficulties in life, and deal with hard things we must get through the best we know how.

This year, I have heard of gossip that was spoken about me behind my back. I have encountered personally, hurtful judgments based on inaccuracies. Having encountered this has taught me more how to be compassionate, understanding, forbearing, and more sensitive regarding the pitfalls of being a judgmental person. It continues to teach me the fruit of the spirit has great effects in our personal lives that contribute to our well being. It has taught me that Jesus loved people in spite of their faults and shortcomings. He continues to be the ultimate example of grace.

Don't blurrr on my GiGi!

 As my older daughter was throwing shade on me one day after I paid her a compliment on her outfit, she said to my grand daughter, "Gigi always compliments when I'm either wearing her clothes or wearing something she bought me."  My oldest grand child, Kensington addressed her directly saying, "Don't blurr on my Gigi!" I was so delightfully defended with such passion from her little grandbaby heart. It made me feel validated and encouraged...in just one small, yet significant moment. I think I will never ever forget that.

Doesn't it make us feel so celebrated when someone steps up to defend us?  Yes, and I think, maybe that is how God is when the enemy tries to make us feel defeated and accused for areas in our lives we are falling short. Perhaps he stands up for us and says, "But she is mine, and I have covered her transgressions with the blood of the spotless Lamb." There is something so comforting when we know someone is standing up for us.

There is a song I was asked to lead a few weeks ago in our contemporary worship service. I agreed to learn it about 10 days prior to leading the song. The more I practiced and sang it, the more it rang in my heart. The day I stood up to lead our congregation in this song, every fiber of my being sang each line with conviction. It was titled "Defender". Here are the lyrics:

You go before I know
That You've even gone to win my war
You come back with the head of my enemy
You come back and You call it my victory, oh-ooh

You go before I know
That You've even gone to win my war
Your love becomes my greatest defense
It leads me from the dry wilderness

And all I did was praise
All I did was worship
All I did was bow down, oh
All I did was stay still

Hallelujah, You have saved me
So much better Your way
Hallelujah, great Defender
So much better Your way

You know before I do
Where my heart can seek to find Your truth
Your mercy is the shade I'm living in
And You restore my faith and hope again

And all I did was praise, ohhh, oh-ooh
All I did was worship
All I did was bow down, oh
All I did was stay still, stay still

Hallelujah, You have saved me
So much better Your way
Hallelujah, great Defender
So much better Your way

When I thought I lost me
You knew where I left me
You reintroduced me to Your love
You picked up all my pieces
Put me back together
You are the defender of my heart
When I thought I lost me
You knew where I left me
You reintroduced me to Your love
You picked up all my pieces
Put me back together
You are the defender of my heart
When I thought I lost me
You knew where I left me
You reintroduced me to Your love
You picked up all my pieces
Put me back together
You are the defender of my heart

Song by Francesca Battistelli and Steffany Gretzinger

You are not replaceable.

One of the most disheartening comments I ever heard was in an employee training once (many years back), where the speaker said "Everyone is replaceable." The sting. The directness. The idea that I meant nothing more than filling a chair. It was not a thought I liked very well. Those words have been adapted by some employers, as well as people in relationships with someone significant. In my opinion, that is not a healthy way to view people.

When you lose someone you love very much with all your heart and soul, and they are suddenly gone in a tragic moment, you personally realize that person was 100 percent irreplaceable!!!! No one can fill that person's shoes. No one can be who they were to you. No one has their laugh, their smile, their eyes. It is absolutely true. My husband was special to me. He and I started dating when I was only 15 (2 weeks from my 16th Birthday). We shared years of history together. We accomplished goals together. We planned a future together. We made a family with three beautiful children, and our family grew in the course of our 35 year marriage. We shared heartaches, we shared difficulties, survived terrible circumstances, pushed through tough obstacles at times. We shared joys and happiness. We laughed at silly things. We made each other smile. We loved each other intimately. We were hand in hand and side by side through most of our lives. How could my Mike ever be "replaced"?  He can not! He will not! 

You are not replaceable. No one has your personality. No one has your combined experiences and how you learned from each one of them. No one has your DNA. You are an original. There is no carbon copy of you. Please know you are special. You are uniquely you. You bring something to the table no one else can. You have a presence that is yours and when you are with your tribe, you are celebrated. I hope this resonates in  you to give you peace and satisfaction in being the wonderful creation God made when He designed you. 

Push like a daisy through old sidewalk cracks

 A favorite song of mine in recent months has been "Wild Flowers and Wild Horses" by Lainey Wilson. One of her lines as she describes how she has gone through hard times and has come a long way since previous ancestral generations blazed trails for her simply says, "I push like a daisy through old sidewalk cracks." I love that imagery. It tells an entire story without even giving much description.

I think of the miraculous wonder of how something beautiful emerges from hard, dry, unmaintained soil and climates. It is the picture of how the cards were stacked against a life, against growth, and yet, somehow, this seed took root and grew anyway. Perhaps it met great challenges to push its way through, but yet it did.

What challenges have you met that seemed to be very difficult?

How did you persevere?

What have you accomplished against all odds?

Going through it.

 The word "through" is often under rated and mentioned with little fanfare in most conversations. I mean it is just a little word used as a preposition or an adverb, mostly. What is the big deal about the word "through"? I like the meaning of the word. It means to go from beginning to end, to go into and then out of, to continue to a destination. The definition denotes movement and this makes that word come alive more with hope as describing a situation we may be going through. It is not like that word "stuck" which is such a hopeless word. 

I have had to go through the hardest year of my life with the tragic unexpected death of my husband last July. It was a horrendous event that was most unwelcomed. I faced it with shock, denial, sorrow, questions, and even anger at times. The moments and days following his death were filled with such deep deep sorrow and anguish of heart. I wondered how I would get through the pain and the sadness at times. I encountered a new loneliness never known before that day. The hand that held mine was gone. The arms that caressed me each night were gone. The voice I heard everyday was now silent. It was a journey I did not want to travel. By faith and determination, and the grace of God,  I somehow mustered strength to keep getting out of bed each day to keep going. It was quite hard, but I knew it was something I had to face and go through. My children, my grandchildren, my extended family members, my church family and friends, all inspired me to keep going and to be brave in the face of so much uncertainty for the future ahead.

Mike, my husband, was an Assemblies of God Pastor for over 17 years, and I remember in one of his sermons he said, "We cannot go around this situation, we have to go through it." I am not even sure what the title of the sermon was or how he came to put that sentence together like that, but it rang so true to me. After facing this journey for over a year now, I look back and still remember the pain, still remember the challenges, and I also remember sweet blessings as people offered comfort, financial support, and words of encouragement in those dark times. As I moved through the days, the hours, the weeks, the months, I found that God's love and grace brings healing to the brokenhearted, that his goodness mends us in our brokenness. I still am going through pain at times, though not as severe as those first days and weeks. I am still going through uncertainty at times trusting that tomorrow will be fine, somehow. I don't know what my future holds, but I remember the old saying, "I know Who holds my future." That helps me along the way. I know with all my heart that Mike would want me to find comfort that he is in Heaven, that he is whole, and that all is well with him. I know he would want me to find new joys in life beyond the grief, beyond the sadness. He would want me to be happy again.

If you are facing a tough time, a heart break, an uncertain time, I hope you find encouragement in the word "through". Keep moving forward. Keep walking. Keep the faith. Go through it with God's grace, and know you will be alright. You will find that on the other side, there are new blessings in life to experience and new hope.  

Do not shrink, hold your shoulders up.

Why is it that often when I am caught off guard and someone calls my name in a room full of people, I get the urge to shrink? Why do I not radiate a smile and sit or stand a little taller? I am not sure why my tendency is to shrink or withdraw a little. Maybe someone could analyze my behavior and suggest that I have insecurities. Perhaps that is the case. But I want to tell myself each and every time I do that, to hold my shoulders up, to hold my head up, smile, and offer a pleasant expression when attention is brought to me. When life gives us the opportunity to shine, we totally should.  If someone pays a compliment, accept it graciously. When someone brags on you, let them. There's nothing wrong with people applauding your talent, strength, kindness, or appearance. If people ask you about yourself, speak up and give information with gladness. 

I really believe it is important for us all to remember we have every right to be in the room, to sit at the table, and to come to the conversation. Chin up, and eyes wide open. Take in those moments. Accept kindness in all its forms when it comes.

The journey of grief

 I lost my sweet husband, Mike, to a car wreck from a reckless driver last year (July 12, 2023). It has been a very painful road. God has been gracious to me through the days and weeks I have walked through the journey of grief.

The grief journey is unpredictable, so often. One minute a person seems fine, smiling, moving forward. The next minute; a song, a photo, a memory, a conversation triggers the feelings of loss and sadness then suddenly tears are streaming hot on their face with no signs of stopping. Please know when you encounter those who are suffering from a loved one dying, they may seem strong at times, but they are every bit as fragile when grief manifests. Seeing them enjoy a good day, a good week, or watching them laugh, it can seem they are doing just fine. And perhaps they are. But please know, it is a moment. Let them enjoy those moments. Keep them in your prayers though, as they will inevitably find sorrow down the road again.. and again. They will move forward. They will treasure their memories. They will sing again, laugh again, smile, enjoy good experiences, and yes… they will cry and their heart will break again. Grief is a continuous journey of healing and that is how it is.